awakening without falling apart

Awakening Without Falling Apart

 
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Can we experience new catalysts, go through new periods of ‘waking up’, without sabotaging other parts of our lives, without neglecting them or letting them fall apart or be forgotten?
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Maybe you know how to do this. Me? I struggle with it. And I am self-aware enough (now) to be able to recognize the pattern: I experience something that feels Big (capital B) and then I go into a period of withdrawal into myself and away from ‘out there’ while I am processing it.
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It’s so funny … Less than a week after opening the doors to a new community — which is founded on the intention of simultaneously normalizing the experience of awakening AND the fact that no woman’s awakening(s) look the same as any other woman’s — I had a whole new experience of awakening that left me feeling … not normal and very much ‘by myself’ all over again.
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It started as a casual comment to my husband about a sexist moment in a stupid movie. And then it became a wave of thoughts + feelings that had been on my mind and on my heart, growing stronger and weighing more + more heavily as they went unexpressed over time. Outrage, sadness, confusion, conviction …
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I woke up the next morning with an EPIC vulnerability hangover and more new questions + thoughts to process. I had brought new things to the surface and I had a very heavy sense of fatigue knowing what I was in for, knowing I was going to have to start sorting through all of these new confessions + revelations, because now at least I’ve been through it before to know how hard it is. Because it is hard. This work takes courage. It is never-ending.
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I believe, I really do, that there is a way to allow our catalysts to change us, to affect us, to reprioritize things for us AND not to let our lives (or ourselves) fall apart while that changing + affecting + reprioritizing happens. But I’ll be honest: I haven’t figured it out yet. I’ll keep trying, though.

Because the work is to keep doing the work.